“You can’t speak without asking!” plus other outdated parenting rules
Children have been raised since the beginning of time, but according to different rules, depending on the level of development of the parents and the period in which they lived. What do we do about the outdated ideas about parenting that still exist?
“Whoever doesn’t have grandparents, let him buy it!” - says a popular saying. And he says well! Because those who have already gone through life have wisdom, which is also very useful for us. But times have changed, and not all old parenting advice is worth taking into account.
Many of us are raised in such a way that we do not go beyond the word of our parents, bow our heads at school and do not comment on the decisions made by adults. But this is not necessarily respect, but the stifling of our own ideas, our creativity. What are these outdated rules, that “folk wisdom” that does more harm than good in raising children?
A child only kisses in his sleep
How many times have we heard that “a spoiled child is a spoiled man”? We spoil the baby only when he is sleeping or not sleeping at all, so as not to raise rowdy children with whom no one gets along. This was the ideology of the time, this is how our parents were raised, and many of them taught us the same life lessons as their parents.
Today's psychologists contradict such statements for the simple reason that every person in this world needs tenderness, affection and love, especially children. Without them, the baby’s development becomes incomplete and in adulthood he will not be able to show his life partner and children all the wonderful feelings of which he is capable. And what a shame that would be, wouldn't it?
The battle is broken from heaven
When I baked a loaf of bread as a child, I immediately heard: “Where my mother gives it, it grows there” or “I made you, I will kill you!” Small boxes on the back of the head, palm placed on the back of the head, were the order of the day a few decades ago. In fact, we deserved to be scolded because we had just broken a vase in the living room that our mother constantly asked us not to play with, or because we “forgot” to make the bed until almost bedtime. But hitting is undesirable under any circumstances, because it causes pain, fear and severe trauma.
Only those who don’t want to can’t!
Such words were often said at school. On the one hand, it was good that someone believed in you, in your ability to succeed in school, get good grades, accumulate knowledge, but on the other hand, it was a call that made you feel inferior. Somehow you've been pushed so hard to be a performer, but at the same time the assumption has been made that you don't want to put in enough effort to achieve better results. Kind of like good cheese in a dog's bladder, right?
Eat everything on your plate!
You didn't leave the table until you chewed last Sunday, you have to admit. Many of us lived under communism, when food was often out of stores, or at least our parents endured all the food shortages until 1989. However, it was a pain for us. Besides, he was not very healthy. After all, you have to trust your body when it sends you the message that it has absorbed enough nutrients and it's time to stop eating, right?
You are not allowed to speak without asking.
Is it respect or repression? You won't earn respect by banning him, that's for sure. This is definitely a limitation a deplorable expression of one's own ideas and desires. If you are not allowed to speak without being asked, how else can you make your opinion known? how can you still ask questions to learn new things, and how do you confront what you think is wrong? Children need to be encouraged to speak up, to say what they want and what they don't want, to object and find counter-arguments to what they think is wrong. This exercise helps build a strong personality and control the situation.
photo — Shutterstock
