All couples quarrel. You can argue... right?

We all sometimes reach a dead end in our love relationships. But it's how you fight that matters, not whether you ever do or not. What recommendations do experts give us when it comes to adversarial discussions in pairs?

Even the happiest couples argue, so you don't have to aim to never argue with your partner again in order to hope your relationship will last. As I said before, how you fight will determine whether you end up with him.

The researcher and psychologist has been studying the “science of love” for five decades. Their names are John, a researcher, and Julie, a psychologist, and they have been married for 36 years. Studying them is intended to help others maintain a happy marriage or relationship.

The couple fell in love on the University of Washington campus in Seattle decades ago, where they set out to open a “Love Lab” where more than 3,000 couples were studied in depth. their relationships their.


By examining how couples reacted before, during and after an argument, they came to some interesting conclusions, namely:

  • The first three minutes of an argument between you predicts the state of your relationship for the next six years.
  • During an argument, couples who used 4 key behaviors (criticism, contempt, wallowing and defensiveness) were more likely to break up five years after marriage.
  • Avoiding conflict is not the answer to a long-lasting relationship. If in the first 5 years the couples did not break up, then at the age of 16 they reached a critical point in their idyll. They didn't fight, but they didn't talk much, they had no humor, and they didn't interact much with each other.
  • There is no set number of fights that should happen per month in a relationship. Some couples argue often, others rarely. The important thing is that if you argue and are interested in your partner, this argument will make you stronger together. In successful couples, the other person is asked questions about what they think, feel, and what meaning they attach to a particular situation.
  • It's not easy to be happy in love. When the atmosphere becomes tense in a negative sense, our instinct tells us to get defensive and not pay attention to how the person next to us feels, especially if he criticizes us. But conflict should not bother us. Its goal is to come to an understanding of each other, to accept each other with our differences.
  • Most disputes between two people are never fully resolved. And this shouldn't be a problem for anyone. In fact, this is normal and healthy. 69% Couples' quarrels never end, and this is because there are differences in character and different lifestyles between the two partners. What remains for each of us is to live well, recognizing that we do not understand each other in certain aspects.


photo – Shutterstock

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All couples quarrel. You can argue... right?