How long should intercourse last? This is what sex therapists say

Although people should not focus on this aspect, the ideal duration of intercourse is a concern for many. This is why sex therapists say that focusing on this aspect can ruin your mood.

Before we can discuss how long sex should last, there are some nuances we need to cover, including the definition of sex itself, writes The Healthy.

First, sex can be with yourself, with a partner, or with more than one partner, according to sex therapist Douglas Brown-Harvey, co-founder of the Harvey Institute, who teaches and advises on sexual health. The second question to answer concerns when sex “starts” and “ends.” “The answer may differ from person to person, as some may say that sex begins with penetration, while others may say that it begins during foreplay. People may believe that sex ends in orgasm, but for others, other things may matter. There is no right or wrong answer,” says Douglas Brown-Harvey.

Experts say the duration of sex has very little effect on sexual satisfaction.

Sex therapist Sari Cooper, founder of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City, says that usually when I say the word “sex,” I mean penetrative intercourse that ends with one or two partners.

"The term 'sex' is not helpful here because it is most often targeted at heterosexual men and may not include sexual scenarios that do not involve orgasms," she says. “Many studies exclude a wide range of sexual acts and people who identify with different orientations,” says Sari Cooper.

When working with clients, Cooper uses the term "sex" as an umbrella term to include a wide range of erotic and sexual activities that do not always include orgasms. This encourages people to feel more confident in their erotic desires. The therapist also says that climax is not the end, and that there are inherent problems with using orgasm as a sexual finish line.

"If the duration of sex is tied to one partner's orgasm, it doesn't take into account the time it takes the other partner to reach orgasm," Cooper says. “Think about heterosexual partners: a man and a woman may not reach orgasm at the same time,” says the therapist.

According to Cooper, some studies show that the average time it takes men to achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration is five to six minutes. And one of the few studies examining the time it takes women to reach orgasm in an erotic scenario found it lasted an average of 13.4 minutes.

So how long should sex last?

If you're embarrassed or worried about how long it should last, find out that the consensus among sexologists is that there is no standard time frame for "good sex."

According to Brown-Harvey, focusing on how long you've been having sex actually inhibits physical intimacy. “It focuses on a standard that results in less pleasure and less connection with yourself or your partner.” Therefore, the conclusion of experts is that sexual intercourse should last as long as both parties agree and enjoy sex. And this can vary from a few minutes to hours, but statistically, a comfortable time for most people is between 5 and 20 minutes.

“Some people need a long time to de-stress in their lives and need a long warm-up time to become physically active and aroused, so they prefer longer sensual sessions,” Cooper says.

However, the key to quality sex depends on you and what you need for sexual satisfaction. Cooper focuses on empowering people to understand their own anxiety and stress levels and learn techniques to reduce them when it comes to sex.

“When partners are more relaxed, they can better communicate their desires without expressing or receiving judgment, rejection, or criticism,” she says.

Therefore, sexual satisfaction means much more than duration.